Lust Angeles

Ray La Montagne - “You Are The Best Thing”
Corinne Bailey Rae - “Like A Star”
Alicia Keys - “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart”

I still like these songs nonetheless.

We weren’t serious yet.  We’ve been dating for about a month.  Dinners here and there, then heavy make-out sessions and/or sex.  I honestly didn’t know if it was going to be serious or not.  I was in it for the fun, definitely, but I also knew that I liked to spend time with him.  He invited me to a Phoenix/Grizzly Bear/Sleigh Bells concert.  We each brought food and drinks from Trader Joe’s.  We went a little overboard and brought three bottles of vino.  We missed Sleigh Bells.  This was before they hit it big, so we were ok with missing them.  We shared our wine with the group of women sitting to the left of us.  In exchange, they let us get a hit of their sativa.  After a while, I felt like I was floating.  He was too.  We talked like we’ve never talked before.  It was a great conversation, but I don’t remember any of it.  It was a great concert, but I rarely remember any of it either.  All I do remember was the both of us being awe-struck by the light show of Phoenix’s set: white, bright rectangles turning on and off in a downward motion, symmetrical on both sides of the stage.  After the show, we spent about a half-hour searching for his car at the Hollywood and Highland parking lot.  We drove to West Hollywood, found a parking space, and fell asleep.  Woke up an hour later because my roommates who we were supposed to meet up and pick up were wondering where we were.  We ended up at Eleven upstairs with them.  Someone took a picture of me and him: ultimately trashed and sitting down, our hands trying to cover our stoned-as-fuck faces, our legs intertwined, mouths smiling.  That’s when I can pinpoint the moment I fell for him and that I wanted to be with him.  And I’ve been with him since.

When I first moved back to Los Angeles and had my three-month “dark period” at North Hollywood, there was a guy I met on Downelink.  He was a brilliant student from Sci-Arc.  Allen.  Asian, glasses, was bald except for long bangs that he slicked back.  I was alone and lonely one night, living on a very tight budget so I couldn’t really go out either.  So, I decided to call him and see if he just wanted to hang out at his place in Koreatown.  I forgot what we talked about, honestly, but we definitely watched “Shortbus”.  It was a good movie, but some of the acting was pretty bad.  It made me wonder if there was something like that in Los Angeles.  Afterward, Allen started explaining why he chose the colors of paint he used for the wall.  I didn’t want to go back to North Hollywood to sleep.  I needed companionship and so, not really yearning it, I initiated sex.  Once we got naked and the lights were off, I noticed how soft his skin was.  He mentioned that he was once fat but lost all his weight.  I thought of the Pulp Fiction quote: “It’s unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye seldom the same.”  I was slightly disgusted.  I like my men solid.  Not exactly muscular, but SOLID.  He reminded me of a woman, and I couldn’t finish.  I said I was too drunk to finish, so we just slept.  I only saw him one other time after that.  Then I think he moved to the Middle East.

my bf and and i were away from each other this past week.  but we previously gave each other a free pass to mess around with other guys.

needless to say, i did not use it.  i am both relieved but also disappointed.

is my gay stock down because i have been settled down for so long?